How Hot Is It – Ode to Texas

I was doing some miscelaneous web browsing and Google Searching… and I found this. I thought it was amusing and had to share! (Post a comment if you know the original author! Or Post a Comment anyway!)


The devil wanted a place on earth

Sort of a summer home

A place to spend his vacation

Whenever he wanted to roam.

So he picked out Texas

A place both wretched and rough

Where the climate was to his liking

And the cowboys hardened and tough.

He dried up the streams in the canyons

And ordered no rain to fall

He dried up the lakes in the valleys

Then baked and scorched it all.

Then over his barren country

He transplanted shrubs from hell.

The cactus, thistle and prickly pear

The climate suited them well.

Now the home was much to his liking

But animal life, he had none.

So he created crawling creatures

That all mankind would shun.

First he made the rattlesnake

With it’s forked poisonous tongue.

Taught it to strike and rattle

And how to swallow it’s young.

Then he made scorpions and lizards

And the ugly old horned toad.

He placed spiders of every description

Under rocks by the side of the road.

Then he ordered the sun to shine hotter,

Hotter and hotter still.

Until even the cactus wilted

And the old horned lizard took ill.

Then he gazed on his earthly kingdom

As any creator would

He chuckled a little up his sleeve

And admitted that it was good.

‘Twas summer now and Satan lay

By a prickly pear to rest.

The sweat rolled off his swarthy brow

So he took off his coat and vest.

“By Golly,” he finally panted,

“I did my job too well,

I’m going back to where I came from,

Texas is hotter than Hell.