Diary of Yankee’s first year in Texas:
Just moved to Texas. Now this is a state that knows how to live!
Beautiful sunny days and warm balmy evenings. Mountains and deserts blended together. What a place! Watched the sunset from a park lying on a blanket. It was beautiful. I’ve finally found my home. I love it here.
Really heating up. Got to 100 today. Not a problem. Live in an air
conditioned home, drive an air conditioned car. What a pleasure to
see the sun every day like this. I’m turning into a real sun worshipper.
Had the backyard landscaped with western plants today. Lots of
cactus and rocks. What a breeze to maintain. No more mowing for me.
Another scorcher today, but I love it here.
The temperature hasn’t been below 100 all week. How do people get
used to this kind of heat? At least it’s a dry heat. Getting used to it
is taking longer than I expected.
Fell asleep by the pool. (Got 3rd degree burns over 60% of my body.)
Missed two days of work, what a dumb thing to do. I learned my
lesson though: got to respect the ol’ sun in a climate like this.
I missed Tabby (our cat) sneaking into the car when I left this
morning. By the time I got out to the hot car for lunch, Tabby had
swollen up to the size of a shopping bag and exploded all over
$2,000 worth of leather upholstery. I told the kids she ran away. The car
now smells like Kibbles and poop. No more pets in this heat!
Dry #@*&$!% heat, my butt. Hot is hot!! The home air conditioner is
on the fritz and AC repairman charged $200 just to drive by and tell me
he needed to order parts.
Been sleeping outside by the pool for three nights now. $1,500 in
damn house payments and we can’t even go inside. Why did I ever come here?
115 degrees. Finally got the air conditioner fixed today. It cost $1,200 and gets the temperature down to about 90. Stupid repairman peed in my pool. I hate this #@*&$!% state.
If another wise a** cracks, “Hot enough for you today?”, I’m going
to tear his #@*&$!% throat out. Damn heat. By the time I get to work
the radiator is boiling over, my clothes are soaking wet, and I smell
like Roasted Garfield!!
The weather report might as well be a damn recording: Hot and sunny.
It’s been too hot to #@*& for two damn months and the weatherman
says it might really warm up next week. Doesn’t it ever rain in this barren
damn desert? Water rationing has been in effect all summer, so
$1,700 worth of cactus just dried up and blew into the #@*&$!% pool.
Even a cactus can’t live in this heat.
Welcome to Hell!!! Temperature got to 123 today. Forgot to crack the
window and blew the #@*&$!% windshield out of the Lincoln. The
installer came to fix it and said, “Hot enough for you today?” My wife had
to spend the $1,500 house payment to bail me out of jail.
Worst day of the damn summer. I’m not leaving the house. The
#@*&$!% monsoon rains finally came and all they did is to make it muggier
than hell. The Lincoln is now floating somewhere in Mexico with its new
$500 windshield. Maybe it will wash out that dead cat smell.