You know that you are in Texas when:
- The best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.
- Hot water now comes out of both taps.
- You can make instant sun tea.
- You learn that a seat belt makes a pretty good branding iron.
- The temperature drops below 95 and you feel a bit chilly.
- You discover that in July it takes only two fingers to drive your car.
- You discover that you can get sunburn through your car window.
- You actually burn your hand opening the car door.
- You break a sweat the instant you step outside at 7:30 am before work.
- No one would dream of not having air conditioning.
- Your biggest bicycle wreck fear is: ‘What if I get knocked out and end up lying on the pavement and cook to death?’
- You realize that asphalt has a liquid state.
- The birds have to use potholders to pull worms out of the ground.
- The potatoes cook underground and all you have to do to have lunch is to pull one out and add butter, salt, and pepper.
- Farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from laying hardboiled eggs.
- Cows are giving evaporated milk.
- The trees are whistlin’ for the dogs.
- A sad Texan prayed once: ‘I wish it would rain – not so much for me, cuz I’ve seen it, but for my 7-year-old.’